


Bird Shit and Happy Birthdays

by Etstrubal



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Birthday, Fluff, M/M, Mostly domestic fluff tho don't expect too much, Multi, OT4, Polyamory, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 12:30:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8144114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etstrubal/pseuds/Etstrubal
Summary: Every year, the three fuck up Kei's birthday. This year, they swore no more. They prepared carefully, so nothing will go wrong. Find out how they fuck up anyway





	

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like it's a little boring..... But I wrote it so I might as well post it right?  
> Happy birthday Tsukki \o/  
>  ~~titles are hard~~

"He's coming, he's coming-" Koutarou chanted, peeking from the living room window.

"Yeah, we know, we heard his car." Keiji said calmly from his place in the kitchen.

"I'm just excited! This year we're going to give him the best birthday ever! Nothing like the years before! It's going to be perfect!" Koutarou bounced on the tips of his toes excitedly, unable to contain his enthusiasm.

"Shhh, almost here. Everyone into positions." Tetsurou shushed them from the second floor, where he almost finished drawing a warm bath.

"Okay, okay." Koutarou took a deep breath, and went to lounge on the couch casually. He was wearing Kei's favorite shirt - one from his high school days that was 3 sizes too small. He never really understood why Kei loved it so much, it was just a plain white one. But oh well.

He was determined not to fuck up this year. They all were. Every year, even before they all moved in together, even before entering a polyamorous relationship, when they were still just friends, Tsukishima's birthday was a disaster. They completely forgot about it for a total of three times, set something on fire twice (they really shouldn't have let Koutarou be in charge of the cake after the first time), got Tsukishima to the hospital twice (allergic reaction and motorcycle accident), and god, he didn't even want to think about the time they tried throwing him a surprise party.

Point is, they prepared this time. Weeks of planning in advance. Just a calm night at home filled with all his favorite things. They even agreed not to say the words "happy birthday" to him, since he always seemed annoyed by them. They also hoped that if they don't acknowledge the birthday, whatever force responsible for the disasters every year wouldn't notice and everything will turn out fine. They'd spoil him rotten, then if he's up for it they'll take real good care of him in bed. They all got him perfect presents too, and Tetsurou went to his favorite bakery to get the mandatory strawberry cake earlier that day. Everything was set. Nothing could go wrong. The front door opened and Kei walked in.

~

To say Kei had a shitty day was an understatement. The museum's secretary somehow managed to set seventeen fucking tours for one day, when their max, even with full staff which they did not have today, is fourteen. Which meant he had to guide tours, which wasn't his job in any way and was total fucking bullshit.

He wouldn't usually mind guiding a tour or two, but not 8 in a row, more than half of those being elementary schools. And then, on his way to treat himself to sushi for lunch at that nice place across the street, a bird shat on his head. It wasn't just a little bit, either. Some of it was got on his forehead. He washed it out, but still felt the ghost of it for the rest of the day.

By the time he got home he was physically aching for a shower and to lay on his soft, comfortable bed. Maybe cuddle with one of his three boyfriends a little. Well, husband and two boyfriends technically, since they decided to marry each other for tax benefits. He and Keiji called dibs on each other instantly, then Kouratu and Tetsurou just high fived and said "Nice" at the same time.

But he knew it would never be this simple. Not on a Friday, when the work week just ended. The house was probably a mess, since none of them had time to do much cleaning during the week. Keiji was only supposed to get home an hour later, so unless Tetsurou and Koutarou ordered some pizza, he'd need to make food as well.

Maybe he could get Bo hyped for cleaning, if he was bored enough... Tsukishima tried thinking of a way to get him to do it while he walked to the front door, and was then pleasantly surprised he wouldn't have to worried about it when he actually opened the door. The house was already clean. Well, the living room anyway. Everything was in place, and it even smelled nice.

Koutarou was on the couch, and turned his head the moment the door opened with a huge grin. "Hey babe. You look great! Your skin is glowing! Did you do something new with your hair?" Sometimes when he came home, the big man had an unexplained urge to bomb him with compliments. Kei would claim it's just baseless, pointless fluttery, but they all knew he loved it.

"A bird took a shit on my head and I had to wash my hair in the bathroom, if that answers your question." He sighed heavily, hanging his coat and work bag behind the door where they belonged. Keiji's bag was already there. Huh. Maybe he came home early or something.

"Oh no! Poor you!" Koutarou rushed to his side, enveloping him in one of his bear hugs. He was wearing that old shirt of his, bless him. It looked like his muscles were trying to escape imprisonment. Kei always claimed that if he flexes hard enough, the short sleeves will rip. It was a nice thing to come home to. "It still looks cute. Kind of fluffier than usual." He said, grinning up at him. Kei smiled at him faintly, returning the hug. Koutarou was such a great hugger. He could melt right into him. And he did, leaning heavily against the other. He chuckled, carrying most of his weight with no problem. He didn't budge an inch; it was like leaning into a very huggable wall.

He pulled back after he had enough, but not before Koutarou gave him a welcome home kiss. "Hey, is Keiji home? His bag is here..." he inquired, brows furrowed.

"Oh, yeah! He's in the kitchen making dinner.” Koutarou supplied the information.

"Cool. Go back to watching your show or whatever. I'll go say hi." He pushed him gently. The other looked unsure for a moment, like he really wanted to say something or follow him to the kitchen, but then just nodded and went back to the couch.

Tsukishima appreciated the view from behind until it disappeared, then turned to the kitchen. He was still tired and annoyed, but felt a tiny bit better. Seeing Keiji in an apron helped a lot too. He looked so cute in it.

"Welcome back honey," Keiji mused without even looking at him. He was in early stages of making some stew, and was currently cutting up the vegetables. Kei came up from behind him, wrapping his hands around the other and leaning his head on his shoulder. He pecked his neck, inhaling his scent. He smelled clean, flowery-sweet and like Keiji. It was one his three favorite scents in the world. You can imagine what the other two are. That's right, fresh rain and old books.

"What are you making?" He murmured against his neck.

"Beef stew, with lots of potatoes. How was work?"

"My favorite, thank you." He pressed another kiss to his neck. "And it was awful." He rambled on for a minute or two about his day, letting out all the annoyance. Keiji was the perfect listener, humming and nodding, agreeing with him in all the right moments.

When he was done, the raven turned his head to him and quietly suggested, "Sounds like you could use a nice bath. Tetsu just went in not five minutes ago, why don't you go join him?"

That was the best idea he heard all week. "Perfect. I'll see you later then? And you could complain to me about your week too."

Keiji hummed his agreement, and they kissed shortly before Kei was on his way to the second floor bathroom, the bigger and fancier one.

Kei opened the door and stuck his head in. He was greeted by steam and the image of Tetsurou soaking in the mostly clear water. Not a bad picture at all. "Mind if I join you?" he asked.

"I would mind if you didn't. Com'ere." Tetsurou smirked at him, and Kei rolled his eyes. He took off his clothes without much ceremony and put his glasses on top of the towel cupboard, and when he looked back at the tub, he saw Tetsurou pulled himself up to sit straighter, and spread his legs so Kei would have space to sit between them. It looked erotic enough to make sparks of something warm ignite in his lower abdomen, but he refrained from saying anything.

He lowered himself carefully into the hot water, settling between the muscular thighs and leaning back against Tetsurou's chest. He let out a satisfied sigh that earned him a chuckle from the other.

"Long day?" the voice asked near his ear.

"The longest. I'm going to need you to wash my hair. A bird took a fucking shit on me." He didn't feel the need to say everything after already venting to Keiji earlier, and Tetsurou didn't ask for more.

"Fuck. Well, I'm here to give you best head massage you'll ever get. You're going to get a head-gasm, prepare yourself." Tetsurou boasted about his massaging skills often, but none of his partners could say anything, because his hands were pure magic.

So instead of saying something salty, he casually commented, "I'd rather have an actual orgasm, thanks." Even though it was a lie. Tetsurou's massages were better than getting off.

"Ohohoho?" Even after so many years, Tetsurou still kept his signature sound. He kept his hair style too, but that wasn't really by choice. The only way to get rid of that bird nest was to cut it incredibly short, and all four of them thought it just looked wrong. "Maybe later, hmm?" He offered.

Kei hummed, shrugging noncommittally. He was more about that head massage at the moment. He slid forward in the tub so his hair would soak in the water for a moment, then rose back again, keeping a bit of distance between them so Tetsurou would have easy access to his hair. He heard the pop of a bottle opening, then the liquid being squeezed out, and a moment later those big, practiced hands were in his hair. He groaned quietly and appreciatively, and upon request titled his head backwards a little.

Tetsurou really was a master at this. His hands kneaded Kei's scalp expertly, applying just the right pressure. A blissful sigh emitted from his mouth when Tetsurou did a thing at his nape, just above his hairline. He moved to massage his shoulders too at some point, making all the stress bleed out of them. He was a saint. All three of his boyfriends were absolute saints today. He wondered what he did to deserve so much good. He would have thought it was his birthday, if only it wasn't still a week away. Maybe they broke something expensive and felt the need to butter him up... But no, Keiji would never go with that plan. Hmmm. Maybe he really was just the luckiest man alive with three whole partners to give his awful day a good ending.

"Better, love?" Tetsurou asked after a long period of silence.

"Much, thank you. You want me to do yours?" He turned to look at him, but Tetsurou shook his head.

"Nah, it's fine, I did it just before you came in." He dismissed the suggestion. "You just lean back and relax." He smiled at him encouragingly.

"Mhmm. Okay." Kei really wasn't going to argue with that. He dipped his head in the water of the tub to get the soap out, then resettled against Tetsurou's chest. Strong arms rested on his chest, fingers lightly trailing random shapes into his skin. He closed his eyes, humming contentedly. They were quiet, both tired from a long week of work. Relaxing in the bath with only the faint sounds of water splashing was just what they needed.

Maybe Tetsurou disagreed, though, because after a few minutes, Kei felt one hand leaving his chest and relocating himself to his inner thigh in a manner that was anything but innocent. His thighs instinctively spread further upon the touch and he blushed, praying Tetsurou wouldn't comment on it. Of course he did. "One little touch and you're already spreading your legs for me?" He teased.

"Tetsu, we've been lovers for years. It's not like it's not normal." He insisted, even though they both knew Tetsurou said it just because Kei likes dirty talk. The hand on his thigh squeezed, and he almost jumped. "Tetsu, come on..." A low chuckle in his ear was all the response he got. The hand on his chest moved upward a little, gently pinching one pink bud and earning a surprised gasp from Kei.

"The water is going to get dirty." He mumbled.

"So? We've been in here long enough. The water's starting to cool anyway." That much was true. The hand on his thigh caressed up and down, and it was both distracting and convincing.

"Uh... You might be right..." Kei's cock agreed, already showing signs of interest.

Tetsurou kept the same treatment for a while, one hand caressing his inner thigh slowly, moving up and down the smooth skin, squeezing it occasionally. The other on his lean torso, switching between caressing it with special care to his lower abdomen, a very sensitive area for him, and playing with his nipples. His mouth kept spouting filth, and Kei didn't object. Tetsurou knew how much it turned him on and so... "Look at you, getting all flustered from just some touching... Your nipples are so pink and hard, do you really like me playing with them this much? You're getting so worked up and I didn't even touch you yet..."

Kei made various small noises that echoed nicely from the bathroom tiles. The combination of Tetsurou's words, touch, and his own moans made his blood rush south and in a few short minutes he was achingly hard, and still untouched. "Tetsu..." He pleaded quietly.

Impossibly slow, both hands made their way to his hard on. "You're so good for me," Tetsurou whispered in his ear when one hand wrapped around the base of his cock, the other very gently cupping his balls, applying only the slightest maddening pressure. A long, shuddery moan escaped him when Tetsurou finally started pumping his hand, slowly at first, but picking up the pace steadily.

"H-haa... Tetsu..." His head pressed back into the strong shoulder, slightly strained now, his back arching and relaxing again, hips bucking into the hands working on him.

He was so into it that he didn't even realize he and Tetsurou were kissing until their tongues were already brushing against one another, warm and wet and so welcoming. Tetsurou did something to his cock, kind of a twist when he reached his tip, and Kei groaned loudly into his mouth. Another few of those and heat was pooling in his lower stomach, and he had to pull back for breath. His knuckles were white where he gripped the edges of the tub hard. Tetsurou stroked faster and faster, and soon he came with a choked sob, muffled by the neck he pressed his face into. Tetsurou kept stroking him through it, making his orgasm last longer and shudders to travel up his spine.

When he finally came to his senses, he tangled a hand in Tetsurou's thick hair, turning his face in his direction and pressing their mouths together. Their kisses were long and loving with just the right amount of tongue. He pulled back with a satisfied smile afterwards.

Tetsurou looked just as happy and relaxed as he felt. "You want me to take care of you too?" He suggested, but again was met with refusal. "It's fine," Tetsurou said. "Me and Bo had a long session earlier." He explained.

"Hmm. Okay." Both Koutarou and Tetsurou had short Fridays, and they usually went to the gym or let out some steam other ways until Keiji and Tsukishima arrived in the late afternoon. By then he felt steady enough to stand and urged Tetsurou, "Come on, Keiji's making food. We wouldn't want Koutarouto eat it all, right?"

"Right." Tetsurou agreed with him, standing up as well.

They rinsed, dried off and dressed methodically, then came back downstairs, hair still wet, an air of calm around both of them.

~

"I knew I should have insisted doing the bath with him!" Koutarou sat on one of the chairs in the kitchen, pouting like a child. The muffled moaning sounds reached them from the second floor bathroom, faint but clear enough to understand what was going on there. They sure were taking their time in there, and now he knew why. He'll have to remember give Tetsurou a disapproving look later. They agreed to wait with sexual activities until they're all together. Make it special. He should have known he couldn't trust him to take an innocent bath with Kei. Koutaroucould be trusted even less, though.

Keiji couldn't deny he was jealous as well, but kept it to himself. Instead he walked over to his sulking partner, and gave him a big 'ol smooch on the mouth. This pleased him enough to smile, at least. "Well, you're stuck here with me. You can be my official taster." He hoped it sounded special and important.

"Really?" Koutarou perked up, smiling wide. His hair was down, having already showered, and he looked almost too excited for role. Keiji sometimes felt a little bad for hyping him up for completely ordinary things. But then again, Koutarou really did like food a lot.

Keiji nodded, already fishing up a little piece of meat from the pot for Koutarou to try. "Tell me if there's too much or too little of something." He asked.

Koutarou chewed it thoughtfully, his face filling with wonder. "It's perfect!" He declared, groaning happily. "I might need a little more to confirm it, though."

"That so." Keiji said dryly, but the corners of his mouth turned upwards and he filled the big wooden spoon with more meat and potatoes for the other to snack on while he watched him fondly.

Keiji went on to cut the salad, keeping an eye out for Koutarou to make sure he doesn't eat too much of the stew. He gave him a slice of cucumber or a piece of tomato every now and then to keep him away from the stew, too. Koutaroujust ate whatever he was handed, and chatted about his week meanwhile.

Keiji had just finished seasoning the salad and Koutarou finished setting the table when the rest of their lovers came downstairs and joined them.

"Smells amazing in here," Kei complimented him as he sat down in one of the chairs.

"Thank you. Tetsurou? Help me with the pot?" He asked, so he'd have an excuse to pull him aside. Tetsurou grimaced, probably knowing what was about to come.

"I thought we were waiting for later." He whispered, giving him a pointed look.

"I know, I'm sorry, he just seemed like he needed it." was Tetsurou's excuse.

"Not good enough, you ass." He poked his side, but not in the playful way. No. Keiji stuck his finger into his muscles like a fucking finger gun. He knew it'd hurt. That was the purpose.

Tetsurou flinched, but otherwise didn't show any sign of pain. "Sorry." He mumbled again.

"It's okay. But Kou was disappointed so make sure to make it up to him." He mumbled. "And take that pot to the table, you look suspicious."

~

After dinner, when they were all settled in the living room, Keiji finally announced, "Okay. Presents time."

Koutarou looked like he was waiting for this when he quickly said, "Yes! Me first!" Tetsurou chuckled. Kei turned to look at them with a weird expression and asked, "What presents?" in a baffled tone.

"Your birthday presents, obviously." Keiji explained, "You didn't think we forgot because we-" He started asking, but was cut off by Kei.

"No... That's... That's not it." He looked like he suddenly understood something. "It's, um. Not my birthday." He said dryly.

Tetsurou, the brave person he was, finally broke the stretching silence. "Kei love, we know you don't like your birthday, but this is a little extreme isn't it?" He chuckled.

That was the wrong thing to say, apparently, because Tsukishima turned his I'm-judging-your-soul-and-finding-it-unworthy look to Tetsurou. "Tetsu, love. My birthday is the 27th of September. What's the date today?" He asked, faux sweet.

"...The 20th." Tetsurou mumbled.

"Shit." Keiji leaned back into the couch, wishing he could disappear. He glanced at Koutarou, who looked vaguely nauseous. "I knew we'd fuck up somehow," The white haired man whispered, haunted.

"I can't believe none of you know when my birthday is, after all this time." Tsukishima blamed them.

"Well, you never bring it up, and you straight up refused to tell us the first couple of years! We had to call Akiteru to find out." Tetsurou tried defending them.

"Yeah. And that was almost a _decade_ ago." He snarled. "I know all of your birthdays. Keiji's December 5th, Tetsurou's November 17th, and Koutarou is-" Kei went silent for a moment and turned to look at Koutarou. "Kou is September 20. That's... today." He just looked confused now. They all turned to look at Koutarou, who wore a surprised expression. "Did you... forget your own birthday?" Kei asked.

Koutarou looked a little nervous as he explained. "Um, not exactly? Well a few weeks ago Tetsu and Keiji said that your birthday is the 20th, but I was like, wait, isn't he the 27th and I'm the 20th? But then I just assumed I got them mixed up because those guys remember dates better than me right? And I ended up not saying anything." Slowly realizing two very important facts, a huge grin settled on his face. "I'm the only one who remembered Kei's birthday! And it's my birthday today too! Tetsurou, you owe me a massage. And Kei, you owe me a shower. You too Keiji. And Tetsu. You all owe me shower sex! And lots of presents to make up for forgetting my birthday." For once, Koutarou didn't look dejected at all about something that would normally upset other people.

That year, the jinx on Kei's birthday was so strong it messed up Koutarou's too. But not for long, for he was a simple man of simple desires, and by the end of the night he was more than satisfied with the way things worked out.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't ask me why I only wrote their first names the entire fic


End file.
